Tag Archives: messenger doll

Deliberate Kindness

“Set aside personal interest and act for the common good.”

This phrase, one of many provocative thoughts from the various texts I have read this week, has occupied my mind more than others.

“Set aside personal interest?”

That’s the problem right there. For most of our lives, we learn to fend for ourselves, to build careers, to attain a secure and cozy lifestyle, to build savings accounts that will sustain us in old age. All of this is self-centered.

Of course, self-preservation is a deeply rooted and essential survival instinct, but our education model expands it into a far-reaching and often distorted fabric. It expands it to something outside of ourselves, something that isolates us in the midst of community and neighbors, instead of weaving it into a huge, warm blanket to share. Outside of tragedies and occasional, shared trauma, our survival instinct is mostly connected to some ideal outcome or future.

An image comes to mind: We stand in a crowd, at a community picnic, and though we honestly try to mingle, our gaze reaches above the sea of faces to some distant horizon. We savor the moment, yet our inner eye is turned to the future.

In addition to this, we often define “common good” as something we embrace on the side, when immediate responsibilities (real and perceived) allow; when there is time, money or an emergency. Very few of us master the art of placing common good at the center of our lives. Those who do stand out in the crowd. They see as far as the horizon and beyond, yet they are fully present, radiant, human and humane. Perhaps even fearless.

How do we set aside personal interest on a daily basis in a world that would have us so dedicated to personal success and safety; so tied to the next paycheck; so concerned with ensuring our own comfort and longevity; so afraid of sickness, death and, perhaps worst of all, real and imagined enemies?

Maybe we only attain this in small increments, whenever we are willing to take risks on behalf of others. Obviously, we cannot all quit our jobs to go work for some charitable organization, but we can certainly make room for a more charitable outlook in all that we do.

Then, the guiding question becomes: “How do I make my work and my life an act of charity?”

The answer is far from simple. It requires we become a bit more creative and a lot less competitive.

The task is enormous and overwhelming. However, it would seem there is one small, easy thing we can do that may very well provide the tipping point: Become kindhearted, in every moment.

Ours is an aggressive lifestyle. We chase after time, money, success, recognition; even leisure. What would it mean to seek all of this with a deliberately kinder heart?

We’d be standing in a crowd, at that community picnic, suddenly losing interest in the distant horizon and shifting our gaze back to distinct faces… and suddenly being able to listen. Funny thing is, after a while, all faces might turn to the horizon after all, gazing in the same direction, in unison.

We all dream of grand vacations, perhaps on a distant beach, listening to nothing but the waves and seagulls. We long for silence, not realizing that it is not merely the outside noise we wish to lose, but our own inner dialogue.

Maybe true, restful silence is this: To truly listen for the first time. Then, we are on the same wavelength. Of the same mind. Of the same kind. Of kindness. All of us bear a message, in spite of ourselves. Deliberate kindness is the tuning fork.

On my table: Heart Messengers on their way home (5.5″).


A Doll For Grace

My good friends Brianne and Steve recently had their first child: a sweet little girl named Grace. In fact, I had the great honor of witnessing her baptism this morning.

I am always fascinated by young individuals who embrace a mature vision for their lives very early on. While I love where I have been and where I am going, I cannot say that I have planned any of it. Witnessing the clarity of purpose my young friends apply to their own lives is humbling; it also reminds me that there is a lot of good to humanity after all.

I met Brianne when we both worked in the same office, maybe eight years ago. She was fresh out of college and already mature beyond her years. She has since married her college sweetheart, they purchased their first home, and now they have Grace. Incidentally, all of this was accomplished gracefully.

At first, I was not certain how to honor this sweet little girl. After all, she’s got the coolest parents she could possibly have; what more can she possibly need? I wanted to make something for her, but am not equipped to make any child-safe toy. Then, I remembered.

My sister and I shared a room growing up. She was born first. Her godmother made two soft, tall dolls to hang on the wall of her bedroom, watching over her in her crib. I met these later, when we shared that same room, probably when I was old enough to walk and explore. I remember being transfixed at the sight of them. They looked like Comedia Dell Arte characters; one male, one female. They were tall and soft and I frequently asked my mother to take one down for me to hold. They were comforting.

The moment these came to mind, I went to work making a variation of my Messenger Doll, especially for Grace. She cannot play with it yet, but it can watch over. I made it large enough and soft enough to snuggle comfortably in the small arms that will one day be able to hold it.

While I normally add beads or buttons to my dolls, I did not in this case. I wanted Grace’s doll to be safe for a young child to handle. There is a small twine loop in the back, to secure it on the wall, out of reach of small hands, but close enough to be a watchful friend. It stands about 10 inches high and is entirely hand-sewn. In fact, I made it quite spontaneously, adjusting dimensions and fitting clothes right on the spot, without pre-established sketch or measurement.

In a sense, I wanted this doll to take a shape and personality of its own. And I did not name it. Here is the message it is saving for Grace’s little heart:

Dear Lady Grace,

 I am not telling you my name. You will pick one for me when you are able to do so.

 For now, all you need to know is that I have the honor of being your friend. I will watch over you as you sleep and play and grow. May your life be filled with joy, adventure and beauty.